


Secret Agent Man

by mybrainproblems



Series: Bottom Erwin Week 2015 [1]
Category: Shingeki no Kyojin | Attack on Titan
Genre: Alternate Universe - Cruise Ship, Alternate Universe - Spies & Secret Agents, Bottom Erwin Week, Implied/Referenced Torture, M/M, Undercover as a Couple
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2015-06-21
Updated: 2015-06-21
Packaged: 2018-04-05 09:28:15
Rating: Mature
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,777
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/4174719
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/mybrainproblems/pseuds/mybrainproblems
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Nile and Erwin go undercover on a gay couples' cruise in order to suss out an international smuggling ring.</p>
            </blockquote>





	Secret Agent Man

“Darling, can you hold the bag for a moment?”

“I don’t know _darling,_ can I?” Nile’s tone was sarcastic as he countered Erwin’s own affected and sing-song one. The smile on Erwin’s face reduced considerably.

“Can you at least try and pretend to be happy?”

“Erwin, we aren’t here for _fun,_ we’re here to bust a smuggling ring.”

“Yes, and you’re going to blow our cover if you keep glowering at everyone.”

“I’ll play the part of the long-suffering husband – which I practically _am_ – and you can be the sappy romantic.” Nile let out a sigh. “Let’s just get this over with.”

“Nile, the CIA paid for us to go on a _cruise_. How can you treat this like a chore?”

“They didn’t send us on an all-expenses-paid vacation. We’re here to do a job, not fool around. Business before pleasure.”

“So what was Monaco?”

“Foreplay.”

 

One week previous, their department had received a report that indicated a major international smuggling ring they had been tracking would be making a deal onboard a cruise ship. After a great deal of poring over information and shaking down informants they were finally able to narrow it down to a single cruise ship in the Colossus Cruises fleet. The only foreseeable problem was that a) it was a couples’ cruise and b) it was a _gay_ couples’ cruise and as open-minded as some of their coworkers were, there was no substitute for the real thing.

 

“Do you want to go on the nature hike or go snorkeling when we’re in port tomorrow?”

“Erwin…”

“Personally I’d rather go on the hike but I know you don’t particularly like bugs.”

“Erwin.”

“Though if you aren’t in the mood to do anything outdoors there are rhumba classes. Or we could sunbathe by the pool.”

“ _Erwin!_ ”

“Yes, dear?”

“We aren’t on vacation. What the hell is wrong with you?” Nile grit his teeth and glared at Erwin from where he was laying on the bed. “We’re trying to track down a smuggling ring and we haven’t turned up a single lead on who they might be. It’s been two days and we only have five left.”

“When was the last time you took a vacation?”

“The week after the Prague mission.”

“Nile, you were wearing a cast on your arm. We barely left the hotel.”

“You were hardly complaining then.”

“My point is that neither of us ever get to relax.”

“So you want us to relax while on a mission?”

“This is an undercover mission and we’re going to stick out if you’re an uptight sourpuss the entire time.” Nile opened his mouth to respond but Erwin continued before he could say a word. “We know that they’re on the ship and we know the deal is probably going to go down in international waters given the United States’ and our ah… _interpretive_ methods of interrogation. They’re going to want to keep things murky.”

“Fine.” Nile relented but gave Erwin a serious look. “I have one condition though: no drinking. We’re both crap shots after a few drinks and I’m not ending up in a situation like what happened in Tokyo again.”

“You made the shot.”

“ _Barely._ I was aimed for his right side and hit his left knee. It was blind luck I hit him at all and not someone else at the gala.”

“Well, you incapacitated him.”

“That’s beside the point. You can have _a glass_ of wine with dinner, I won’t be drinking at all.”

“Spoilsport.”

 

Twelve hours later found them pretending to be tipsy and wandering around the lower deck, alternating between sloppily making out with one another and surreptitiously planting surveillance equipment along the corridors. Erwin was planting the last one as he pinned Nile against the wall, holding Nile’s hands high above his head and kissing him passionately while he help the device in place and waited for the adhesive to take hold. Finally the minute was up and Erwin released his hands, pulling his mouth away gently as well. He was about to turn away when he felt a harsh tug on his tie.

“Stay.” Erwin took one look at the grin on Nile’s face and knew _exactly_ where this was going. “Good boy.”

Nile tugged on Erwin’s tie, pulling on it and forcing him down, letting the silk slip through his fingers as Erwin sank to his knees in front of him. They stayed frozen for a moment; Erwin kneeling and staring up, paying no mind to the dirty floor as Nile looked down at him, grin replaced by something softer and more contemplative. Erwin pulled at Nile’s shirt so that it was untucked and undid the bottom few buttons in order to kiss at his muscular stomach. His hands were at Nile’s belt when there was suddenly a movement followed by the click of a gun being cocked, set to rest at Erwin’s temple. He froze as Nile’s grip on his hair became like steel and wrenched him away as he continued to hold his gun at Erwin’s temple.

“So how long have you been a double agent?”

“Took you this long?” Erwin met Nile’s iron glare with a placid look.

“I had my suspicions.”

“Since when?”

“Belgrade.” The corner of Nile’s mouth twitched as Erwin’s eyes widened infinitesimally. “Though I wasn’t completely sure until last month with the Kremlin assignment.”

“And what, you didn’t tell anyone?”

“I wanted to be sure.”

“And getting me to suck you off was going to make you sure?”

“You never would have if you didn’t know the devices were inactive. You’re not _that_ shameless.”

“You know me too well.”

“We’ve been field _and_ romantic partners on and off for the past decade. I’m honestly surprised at myself I didn’t pick it up sooner.”

“What tipped you off?”

“Thirty seconds of dead air on your transmission. Zacharius wrote it off as signal interference – I suppose you’re working together, aren’t you?” Nile didn’t acknowledge Erwin’s smirk before continuing. “Anyway, the team is made up of entirely people I trust. You aren’t walking out of this.”

“Bravo, Nile. You’ve gotten very good at this, haven’t you?”

“I learned from the best.”

“Touché.” He tried to lunge for the gun but found himself with a well-polished shoe in his gut before he moved more than a few inches.

“Like I said; I learned from the best.”

“You know what they’re going to do to me if you bring me in.”

“You can always run but I’m a damn good shot when sober.”

“I know.” Erwin’s voice was quiet, a sad smile playing on his lips as he looked up at Nile. “Do you know what we smuggle?”

“No, and really I’d prefer not to.”

“Information.”

“Shocker. We’re secret agents.”

“What do you know about Zackley’s interrogation measures and recommendations?”

“More than I want to.”

“Then you know why I’m doing this.”

“You ordered Hanji and Levi to pull out a man's fingernails. Just because they're the ones that actually got their hands dirty doesn’t mean yours are clean.”

“It was necessary.”

“Bullshit.  _You_ think it was necessary.”

“Nile, people are going to _die_. Things need to _change_.”

Neither of them spoke as they both looked at each other, Nile sizing Erwin up and Erwin giving Nile a beseeching look. Nile’s face slowly drew into a heavy frown, his eyes growing troubled as he tried to figure out the conundrum that was the man kneeling before him. Finally, he lowered his gun.

“Are you the only one here then?” Erwin looked taken aback.

“I have a contact I’m meeting. Truthfully I have no idea what they look like, Mike said he’d let me know more when they contacted him.”

“So are you and Mike…?” Nile sighed deeply when Erwin couldn’t look at him directly. “I thought so. Prague felt like a good bye.”

“I want you t-“ He cut himself off. "I’m sorry.”

“You aren’t. Well, you are but you aren’t really. You’re complicated like that.”

“I didn’t want to drag you into this.”

“But you trusted I wouldn’t shoot you immediately if I caught on.”

“Yes.”

Nile stared at Erwin, searching his eyes for something. “Introduce me to them.”

“Excuse me?”

“You heard me. Introduce me to your contact. Convince me I’m on the wrong side.”

“Right, I’m sure that’s why.” Erwin’s tone was sarcastic.

“Convince me.” The skeptical look remained on Erwin’s face. “You’re my oldest friend in the agency. We’ve been intimate in every way I can think of. Convince me, _please_. I’m too good of a shot if you run now.”

Nile stiffened as Erwin stood up, hand tightening its grip on the gun. They stared at one another, Erwin giving Nile an odd look as though trying to make sense of the man in front of him. After a brief stalemate Erwin moved first, putting his back to Nile and waiting for the metal slug to enter his back; and yet it never came. He could feel the other man’s presence behind him as they slowly walked up the service stairs back to the main decks, could only catch glimpses of the other man as a shadowy reflection in glass and polished chrome.

After what felt like an hour Erwin found himself facing their cabin door. Stepping inside he braced himself, convinced now more than ever that this would be the end. And yet… He heard the door close behind and turned around to face Nile again. The other man had holstered his weapon fully and was taking something out of his pocket, Erwin flinched at the implication of what it could be. He had seen some of Zackely’s new gadgets. But what Nile pulled out of his pocket looked like – of all things – an ancient Nokia phone.

“Frequency disruptor.” Nile hit the power button and Erwin watched as all of their equipment went silent.

“What the hell, Nile?”

“Mike already told you that your contact would give you a token with the Wings of Freedom’s symbol on it.” Nile pulled a coin out of his pocket and tossed it at Erwin. “Here.”

“You’ve got to be –”

“How many times do I have to tell you? I learned from the best.” Nile moved closer to Erwin, forcing him backwards until his calves were up against the bed. “Our ride is going to be here in an hour and a half.”

“Oh.”

“Incidentally, Mike and I agreed to share. Unless you disagree?” Nile captured Erwin’s strangled laugh with his lips before pushing him back onto the bed.

“Why would I?” Erwin smiled and began to shed his own clothing as Nile threw his jacket off onto the floor.

 


End file.
